Just for Laughs!!!!!!!!!

The L&R Syndrome

Be it fact or fib, it is known that some of our brothas have a problem, sorry problem with their “rs” and “ls”.

Check this Eddie Kwadjo Danso enactment of an Ashanti very well, in an English court…There can only be one verdict – guilty!!!

My name is called opoku nsiamah and I am leplesenting mr phrip Kwame poku. Your ana, radies and gentremen of the juli my crient is innocent.

The praintiff has tlied to assassinate my crient’s chalacter but it is all unberievable and that is the tluth. Phirip is a vely crever boy and has been rearning to fry pranes for the past tilee years, to rearise his dleams of becoming a pirot.

He has over accomprished for his age and it will be a big brow to his famiry if he is rocked up.

He has never been in tlouble with the autholities and holds a crean dliving rincence.

He is the perfect amsabbador for his genelation and has never been involved in any contlomersy, contloversty…I mean no climinal activities. This insteftigations has been based totarry on arrogations and jearousy and i demand a no guirty verdict.

Ctercumstanciarry speaking, my crient should be arrowed to walk flee because the porice have no case against him.

Members of the juli, I pread with you to have melsy on phirip because he has a rot of potential and I sinceery berieve that he has a rot to contlibute to society.

Thank you vely much and god bress you whiles you decide my crient’s pright

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Constantly complaining about the temperature:

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient; he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest. “Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

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Mistakes on a resume:

These are from actual resumes: “Personal: I’m married with nine children. I don’t require prescription drugs.

“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”

“Qualifications: I am a man filed with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I’m a class act and do not come cheap.” “I intentionally omitted my salary history. “I’ve made money and lost money. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. I prefer being rich.”

“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”

“Number of dependants: 40.”

“Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”

Physical disabilities: “Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.”

Personal interests: “Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.”

Resume bloopers:

Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

Reasons for leaving the last job: “Responsibility makes me nervous.”

“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”

“Was met with a string of broken promise and lies, as well as cockroaches.” “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”

“The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.”

Special requests & job objectives:

“Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employers do not know I am looking for another job.”

“My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

“I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.”

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Have a life after death

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.

“Yes, Sir,” the new recruit replied.

“Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral she stopped in to see you.

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You won’t go to jail

A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defence. He didn’t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, “Don’t worry. You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money.” And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.

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Out of food supplies

With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic.

To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies.

I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the refrigerator.

As a reminder, I wrote at the top: “If we are out of it, write it down.” When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the following message: “Mom, you may be a bit old-fashioned, but you are not out of it.”

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My grandchildren

For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.

She finally realised that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren. “Oh, I’ve done all eh talking, and I’m so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me…what do you think of my grandchildren?”

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Shopping for goods

A woman meant to call a record store but dialled the wrong number and got a private home instead.

“Do you have ‘Eyes of Blue’ and ‘A Love Supreme?” she asked.

“Well, no,” answered the puzzled homeowner. “But I have a wife and eleven children.”

“Is that a record?” she inquired. “I don’t think so,” replied the man, “but it’s as close as I want to get.”

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Kids tough question

Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions.

Son: Father, Can I ask you a question?

Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he want to doctor.

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We have new babies

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother sister that was expected to his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year-old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”

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Delivery a baby:

A country doctor went way out to a remote village to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her five-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new-born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. The doctor then asked the five-year-old what he thought of the baby.

“Hit him again,” the five-year-old said. “He shouldn’t have crawled up there in the first place!”

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I have “great news for you”

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead to two.”

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, “I’m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us.”

Source: Spectator