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Chris Brown has said that he is tired of the devil ruining his life.

In a recent Instagram post, the award-winning singer blamed the devil for trying to ruin his life. He also talked about thoughts of suicide and claims he’s heard God speak to him for the very first time.

Here’s exactly what he wrote:

“When u tired of the fucking devil ruining your life and u hear God speak for the first time.

No one knows what I deal with on a day to day. The average man wouldn’t hesitate to blow his fucking brains out but that’s the cowards way out… Most won’t understand the genius and beauty in change and learning and the people who have devilish intentions will win in the short term. My soul will always be pure of heart.

What’s on the surface always looks like one big party but inside there is a little boy looking for help and guidance. People say “be a man”. Yeah, that’s right but it doesn’t take away any pain you really go through. I just wanna stay out the way and do music. Most importantly and great father.

I don’t have any more patience for anything that will cause me to self destruct!!”